Funny Quotes In English, Urdu/Hindi

“Funny Quotes in English is a compilation of witty poems that are perfect for whenever you need a good laugh, such as for a birthday card or just for fun reading. Scientific research has shown that laughing reduces stress. When you laugh, your brain releases happy hormones called endorphins, which make you feel good and less stressed.”

“Urdu humor started with clever and funny writings by great writers who used satire to talk about society. People like Ibn-e-Insha and Mushtaq Ahmed Yousufi made a big impact and made Urdu literature funny and popular.”

“I gathered a bunch of Funny Quotes in English for friends, the best ones for WhatsApp, and even motivational quotes. There are silly quotes in Urdu and Funny Quotes in English, Urdu, and Roman English in my collection”.Funny Quotes in English are the most popular Quotes in the world. U also check Deep Quotes In English

Funny Quotes In English

“Funny Quotes In English is a collection of humorous poems that are perfect for any time you need a good laugh, such as for a birthday card or just for fun reading. Science says that laughing lowers stress. When you laugh, your brain releases happy hormones called endorphins, which make you feel good and less stressed. I have a collection of really funny quotes to share. Whether you want a good laugh or just need to cheer up, these Funny Quotes In English are here to add some joy and humor to your day!”

• Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.
• I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I will ask where they’re going and hook up with them later.
• My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.
• Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.
• Before you marry a person, you should make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they are.
• Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.
• I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
• Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.
• I’m not superstitious, but I am a little superstitious.
• I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
• I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
• I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
• “You know you’ve reached middle age when your doctor cautioned you to slow down, instead of by the police.”
• “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” 
• Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and have their shoes.”
• “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I will ask where they’re going and hook up with them later.”
• “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
• “I like freedom. I wake up in the morning and say, ‘I don’t know, should I have a popsicle or a donut?’ You know, who knows?” 
• “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” 
• “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.”
• “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” 
• “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” 
• “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
• “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” 
• “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” 
• “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” 
• “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.”
• “Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” 
• “No man goes before his time — unless his boss leaves early.”

• “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”
• “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” 
• “I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend than be one.”
• “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”
• “Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays.” 
• “If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn’t want me here either.” 
• “Every Friday, I like to high-five myself for getting through another week on little more than caffeine, willpower, and inappropriate humor.”
• “My advice to you is to get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.”
• “If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.”
• Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” 
• “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” 
•  “A perfect parent is someone with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.”
• “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” 
• “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” — Michael Scott, The Office
• “People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured, if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” — Joan Rivers
• “I’m killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.”
• “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.” ― Mae West
• “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
• “I’m not crazy — I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 40 years.” — Ouiser Boudreaux, Steel Magnolias
• “It is not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” — Dorothy Zbornak, The Golden Girls
• “Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” — Paula Poundstone
• “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they are.” — Will Ferrell
• “Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.” — Cindy Crawford
• “All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” — Alexander Woollcott
• “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I’m not sure about the universe.” ― Albert Einstein
• “Everybody wants to save the earth. No one wants to help Mom do the dishes.”
• “As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice. You can either be right, or you can be happy.” — Ralphie May
• “Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.” ― Ellen DeGeneres
• “People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.” — Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
• “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.” — Bryan White
• “I need a six-month vacation twice a year.” — Unknown
• “I’m not convinced I know how to read, I’ve just memorized a lot of words.” — Nick Miller, New Girl
• “I love mankind … it’s people I can’t stand!” ― Charles M. Schulz
• “There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.” — Jerry Seinfeld
• “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” — Isaac Asimov
• “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” — Jim Carrey
• “The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” — Dolly Parton
• “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” ― Phyllis Diller
• “Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.” — Pauline Thomason
• “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” — Jean Illsley Clarke
• “If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” — Judith Martin
• “Anybody who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.” — Samuel L. Jackson
• “Reality continues to ruin my life.” ― Bill Watterson
• “Don’t be so humble — you are not that great.” ― Golda Meir
• “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” ― Will Rogers
• “I’ve had great success being a total idiot. ” ― Jerry Lewis
• “Instant gratification takes too long.” — Carrie Fisher
• “My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.” ― Winston S. Churchill
• “I generally avoid temptation, unless I can’t resist it.” ― Mae West
• “I always cook with wine. Sometimes, I even add it to the food.” — W.C. Fields
• “When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” ― Cathy Guisewite
• “I drink to make other people more interesting.” — Ernest Hemingway
• “Well, you know what they say: If you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me.” — Clairee Belcher, Steel Magnolias
• “A woman is like a tea bag: You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
• “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” — Oprah Winfrey
• “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” — Benjamin Franklin
• “When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.'” — Groucho Marx
• “The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re OK, then it’s you.” — Rita Mae Brown
• ​​”My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem, but they don’t know me.” — Garry Shandling
• “I don’t trust anyone who does their hair. I don’t think it’s natural.” — Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
• “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” — Oscar Wilde
• “Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company.” — Mark Twain
• “There is nothing better than a friend unless it’s a friend with chocolate.” — Linda Grayson
• “Friendship is a wildly underrated medication.” — Anna Deavere Smith
• “A good friend will always stab you in the front.” — Oscar Wilde
• “Which of all my important nothings shall I tell you first?” — Jane Austen
• “Friends are people who know you well and like you anyway.” — Greg Tamblyn
• “A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” — Bernard Meltzer
• “Friends make you smile — best friends make you giggle ’til you pee your pants.” — Terri Guillemets
• “Most of us don’t need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend to be silly with.”
• “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”
•  “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.”
•  “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
• “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.”
• “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
• “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.”
• “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”
• “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they are.”
• “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
• “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.
• “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
• “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”

The Funny Quotes About Life

• “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” ― Mindy Kaling
• “Life is short. Drive fast, and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” — Stanley Hudson, The Office
• “Sometimes, you lie in bed at night, and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!” — Charlie Brown
• “The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.” — James Branch Cabell
• “I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.” ― Oscar Wilde
• “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” ― Isaac Asimov
• “When I was growing up, I always wanted to be someone. Now, I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin
• “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” — Zach Galifianakis
• “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” — Erma Bombeck
• “Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.” — Phyllis Diller
• “If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.” — Reese Witherspoon
• “Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path — unless you’re in the woods, and you’re lost, and you see a path, then by all means you should follow that.” — Ellen DeGeneres
• “Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.” — David Lee Roth
• “The Lord gave us two ends: One to sit on and the other to think with. Success depends on which one we use the most.” — Ann Landers
• “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb. And I also know that I’m not blonde.” — Dolly Parton
• “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” — Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
• “Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.” — Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls
• “I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat.” — Pam Beesly, The Office
• “Don’t waste so much time thinking about how much you weigh. There is no more mind-numbing, boring, idiotic, self-destructive diversion from the fun of living.” — Meryl Streep
• “Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.” — Sandra Bullock
• “Everything I have I owe to this job … this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.” — Jim Halpert, The Office
• “An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max. An office is a place where dreams come true.” — Michael Scott, The Office
• “So this is my life — until I win the lottery.” — Jim Halpert, The Office
• “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
• “Housework can’t kill you, but why take the chance?” — Phyllis Diller
• “I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.” — Joan Rivers
• “I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” ― Jerome K. Jerome
• “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” ― Charles Lamb
• “Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.” — Marcelene Cox
• “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
• “You can’t have a million-dollar dream with a minimum-wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
• “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence — then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
• “Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
• “No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
• “Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.” — Charlotte Whitton
• “I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” — Kevin Malone, The Office
• “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.” — Dwight Schrute, The Office
• “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” — Mark Twain
• “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball
• “​​Honey, time marches on, and eventually, you realize it is marchin’ across your face.” — Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
• “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of by the police.” — Joan Rivers
• “People say, ‘How do you stay looking so young?’ I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup.” — Dolly Parton
• “Look, you didn’t ask me for my opinion, but I’m old, so I’m giving it anyway.” — Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
• “No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You’re old, you sag, get over it.” — Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
• “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” — George Burns
• “Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.” — Luis Buñuel
• “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” — Sir Norman Wisdom
• “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” — Phyllis Diller
• “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Shirley MacLaine
• “The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.” — Betty White
• “You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to be a hundred.” — Woody Allen
• “You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” — Ogden Nash
• “Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” — Larry Lorenzoni
• “If I had known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” — Mickey Mantle
• “I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age, I’m very pleased to be anywhere.” — George Burns
• “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Mark Twain
• “Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.” — John Wagner
• “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” — Bob Hope

Funny Quotes About Me

• I am living large and taking charge!
• Sometimes, it takes me all day to get nothing done.
• Why can’t I find someone who looks at me the way I look at coffee?
• I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
• Sometimes, I prefer to use my face for emoticons.
• I’ve always loved the idea of not being who people expect me to be.
• I like my bed more than I like most people.
• Don’t confuse what people say about me with the real me.
• I’m not concerned about my age; I don’t feel a day over fabulous!
• I wish I were a little kid so I could take a long nap, and when I woke up, people would just be proud of me.
• Not everyone likes me. But not everyone matters to me.
• Quit looking for a reason to dislike me; I’m just naturally likable.
• Thankfully, my favorite things in life don’t cost money.
• Laughing is one of my favorite things to do.
• You go do what you will do, and I’ll go do what’s best for me.
• I hope the next big trend in music is talent!
• I just like to be my selfie!
• Sometimes, I use an ugly photo for my Facebook profile picture. That way, more people tell me I look amazing when they see me in real life.
• I broke a mirror seven years ago, and I’m still having bad luck.
• I have to be successful because I have very expensive taste.
• I can count the number of boyfriends I’ve had on one hand (if I use a calculator).
• If I managed my bank account as well as I manage my phone battery, I’d be rich.
• If you don’t like me but you follow everything I do darling, you’re a fan!
• I get ignored so often that my nickname should be ‘Terms and Conditions’.
• Sometimes, I open my mouth, and my mother comes out.
• Love me, hate me – either way, you’re spending your time thinking of me!
• Cuddling is my favorite exercise.
• I know Victoria’s secret.
• Caution: You might get addicted to me.
• There’s always that one person who is going to annoy me every time they open their mouth.
• You couldn’t handle me, even if I came with instructions.
• Deep conversations with someone who understands me are everything.
• Dear YouTube, I will always skip ads.
• If you’re cooler than me, does that make me hotter than you?
• If time is money, I am running out of time.
• I’m half princess, half ninja; deal with it!
• I’m not superstitious, but I am super!
• In hindsight, I have less to say about most things.
• If I’m sad, sometimes, I’ll sing to myself to try to cheer myself up, but my singing is so bad, I usually end up feeling worse.
• I hate it when I put on 15kg for a role, and then I realize I’m not even an actor.
• I’d rather an ‘oops’ than a ‘what if’.
• I’m into CrossFit – I cross my fingers and hope I fit into my jeans.
• I’m almost perfect (when I heavily edit my selfies).
• Warning: I have an attitude, and I know how to use it!
• Warning: You may not recognize me at all until I apply my makeup.
• I wish I could donate my body fat to those in need.
• I’m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.

• I’m so hot, I make fire!
• I’m not ashamed to say I’ve never loved another person as much as I love myself.
• I may have a bad mouth, but I can do great things with it.
• Judge me (when you are perfect).
• Time may change me, but I can’t change time.
• Be real with me, or just leave me alone.
• Normal rules don’t apply to me because I am blonde.
• I thought growing older would take longer.
• I find acting like a grown-up exhausting.
• It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.
• Let me be me … because once I change, you will miss the ‘me’ in me.
• My daily routine: get up, be brilliant, go back to bed, repeat.
• I am who I am, not who you think you want me to be.
• Go ahead, judge me. But just remember to be perfect for the rest of your life.
• Sometimes, I feel quite intelligent. Other times, I have to sing the ABCs in my head to remember which letter comes next.
• I love it when song lyrics
• apply to my current situation.
• Life has taught me just to be the best me I can be.
• If you tickle me, I am not responsible for your injuries.
• To be honest, I get a little nervous right before I say Worcestershire sauce.
• When I get lonely, I set my phone’s alarm to go off every few hours so I can imagine what it would be like to have people texting me.
• I’m so old, I remember when taking a selfie wasn’t even fashionable.
• It’s been a long time since I’ve been me.
• Being myself is what got me to where I am.
• Just call me boss.
• And now it’s time for some me-time.
• I like anyone who loves me in me!
• I only keep space and energy for the things that are meant for me.
• I only need to complete it myself.
• Don’t make fun of me; make fun with me!
• I went from zero to hero real quick when I offered to share my umbrella in the rain.
• I make shoe contact before eye contact.
• I got so excited about it being spring, that I almost wet my plants!
• I was into social distancing long before anyone was asked to do it.
• I am athletic; I’ve been known to surf the web for hours.
• I use my phone so much that I’m sure it’s going to start growing on my hands.
• I’ve never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I ever need to know about that.
• I don’t pretend to be someone I’m not, but if you’d like to see me as someone funny, gorgeous, rich, and famous, that’s fine with me.
• I’m not unlucky in love; I’m just extremely good at being single! Let me know if you need some tips.
• I’m over being mature and politically correct. How do I get back to my childhood?
• I believe there’s a time and place for decaf. Never, and in the bin.
• I’m slow to trust but quick to love. I wish too hard, and I give too much. I’m not perfect, but I promise I’m worth it!
• I don’t suffer from shyness, I’m just holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
• Strangers think I’m quiet. Friends think I’m outgoing. My best friend thinks I’m amazing.
• Before you judge, how about you talk to me?
• I didn’t come this far, only to come this far.
• I’ve got a good heart, but this mouth …
• I’m physically here but mentally far away.
• I’m brave enough to listen to my heart.
• I am who I am: Your approval isn’t needed!
• Admit it; life would be so boring without me!
• I forgot to go to the gym yesterday. That’s ten years in a row!
• This is me! What you see is what you get.
• I am the yummy pie!
• I’m not lazy; I just run on energy-saving mode!
• I’m not afraid of failing, which is why I do it all the time!
• If I had to describe my personality, I’d say good-looking.
• Normal people worry me!
• I’m not lazy. Someone just stole my motivation.
• I’m only single because I’m too awesome for everyone right now.
• I’m naturally funny because my life is like a joke.
• If I say “the other day,” I mean any time up to a year ago.
• You talk it; I LIVE it.
• I do what I must. My friends just adjust.
• I am here for your entertainment!
• I am still waiting for blessings that aren’t in disguise.
• I’d be much healthier if I didn’t have taste buds!
• I believe my vibe attracts my tribe!
• I cover my mouth when I cough, so people don’t catch my awesomeness.
• Yeah, I’m F.I.N.E.: (F) falling apart, (I) insecure, (N) needing help, and (E) everything’s wrong.
• I am the one your mother warned you about.
• Don’t look for me in the crowd; come find me relaxing away from it all.
• I love chocolate so much that I get emotional when I see it.
• I’m painting a big blue square in my backyard, so Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
• Perhaps I could be of assistance? After all, I happen to be awesome.
• I have a disease called AWESOME. Kiss me; I’m contagious!
• Being myself works for me.
• I’d rather eat chocolate than aim to have a thigh gap!
• I carry a knife … but it’s just in case of cake!
• I’m an original; I don’t need a label.
• They all call me crazy until they find out I’m right.
• I wish Facebook would notify me when someone deletes me. That way, I could ‘Like’ it.
• I feel sad when I go to unfriend someone, and they’ve already beat me to it.
• Take me as I am, or watch me as I go.
• Hating me won’t make you pretty.
• Don’t study me; you won’t graduate.
• I think I’m sort of cool; that’s all that matters.
• Keep calm, and ignore me.
• Half of me is a hopeless romantic; the other half is fairly thoughtless.
• They say dreams tell you something about yourself, but I dream of shapes. So I have no clue what a triangle and a hexagon mean about me.
• I hope you remember me like I remember you.
• I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!
• Keep spreading those rumors; you’re making me famous!
• I don’t try to be better than anyone else but myself.
• I’m always trying hard to improve my selfies.
• If I don’t love me, who will?
• I can, and I will … watch me!
• I live for the moments you can’t put into words.
• It’s all about me … deal with it!
• Normal rules don’t apply to me (because I have big breasts).
• I don’t care what you think about me. I NEVER THINK ABOUT YOU.
• You and me, we could make the world jealous.
• Life is too short. So why don’t you love me before we run out of time?
• It tastes so delicious you’ll want the recipe!
• Dip me in chocolate and call me dessert!
• Everything I’m not making me everything I am.
• I am more without you.
• What can I say? I’m just different.
• I tried being normal once – the worst five minutes of my life.
• I always keep my standards and my heels high.
• I haven’t met Mr. Right yet, but I have met Mr. Fake, Mr. Player, and Mr. Loser. My middle finger loves them all!
• Heard you’re a player. Nice to meet you – I’m the coach.
• I’m in love with my dreams, married to success, and having an affair with life.
• Even though I’m a clean person, sometimes, I enjoy a messy lifestyle!
• I’ll start letting my guard down when people stop giving me reasons to keep it up.
• I’m shy. Most people don’t take the time to explore the real me. So I’d like to thank everyone who has. Everyone who didn’t miss out.
• Why yes, I do frequently burst out in song!
• Story of my life: searching for perfection, but it’s always avoiding me.
• I talk to my pet as if it understands what I’m saying.
• I’ve learned so much from my mistakes; I think I’ll make some more!
• Stressing and obsessing just ain’t my style. All I want is someone to make me smile!
• Don’t hate me until I give you a reason to. Don’t judge me until you know the whole story.
• Glance at me, laugh at me, talk to me … be with me!
• You – Can’t – Be – Me.
• Love, love, love ME!
• Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love.
• Love me or hate me, I promise it won’t break me!
• Nothing about me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve known.
• I am the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
• I love what I did before the Internet!
• Me, perfect? NO!!!
• Giving up is always an option, but it’s never my choice.
• I’m happy to act nice until you start to annoy me.
• I automatically think you’re signing off with lots of love when you type LOL.
• I believe that failure should be an option.
• Don’t judge me; I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
• I’m feeling awesome today. Deal with it!
• I can resist everything except temptation!
• I’m not a cougar; I’m a jaguar!
• I’m not immature; I just know how to have fun!
• I wish weekends lasted all week.
• It’s my timeline, so I’ll update my status as often as I like.
• It’s my face, so I’ll edit my selfies as much as I like.
• I respect those who respect me and forget those who forget me. Simple as that.
• I am old enough to know better but young enough to do it anyway!
• Everyone I know is either getting married or pregnant. I’m just getting more AWESOME!
• I don’t look back … unless there’s a good view!
• I drink coffee for your protection.
• I’m tired of this day; I need a new one.
• I wouldn’t say I like the smell of Monday mornings.
• Sometimes, I spend all day cooking and then order takeaway.
• Haircuts are the reason I have trust issues.
• Sometimes, I get excited about canceled plans.
• I have a favorite eyebrow.

Funny Status About Me and My Life

• I’m not weird; I’m just cooler than you.
• Some people are afraid of heights. Not me! I’m scared of widths.
• I don’t lie about anything except my age.
• Someone is thinking about you … okay, it’s me!
• Sometimes I talk to myself, but only when I need expert advice.
• Screw the bad boy with the tattoos and attitude. I’ll take Prince Charming, thank you very much!
• I’m happy. I love my life. I have everything and everyone I need.
• I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner!
• I’m wondering who ate my bowl of sunshine this morning.
• If you feel like you’re not on the same page as me, maybe it’s time to change the story.
• Think I’m tripping? Tie my shoes!
• Can’t stand me? Sit back down!
• Got a problem with me? Solve it!
• I’m not random; you just can’t think as fast as me!
• GET. LIKE. ME.
• I came. I saw. I made it awkward.
• I eat glitter for breakfast so I can shine all day!
• I look in the mirror and think to myself, “Shine on you crazy diamond!”
• You’ll always be my friend … because you know too much!
• Whenever I feel bad about myself, I just remember I’m not you!
• I’m going to make the rest of my life the best of my life.
• I’m just trying to be a nice human.
• I have drama, and I have memories. That’s life: live it, love it, learn from it.
• I can’t help but notice that ‘awesome’ ends in ‘me’.
• Keep calm, and remember I am awesome.
• When I text someone and they don’t text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from excitement.
• I feel pretty and witty and bright, and I pity anyone who isn’t me tonight!
• In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you exactly as you are.
• I don’t chase them; I replace them!
• I am too hot to handle and too cold to hold.
• There are plenty of fish in the sea, but until I catch one, I’ll be standing here holding my rod.
• Some call it stalking; I call it love.
• I am the chocolate you’ve been craving!
• It’s my life: remember that when you’re talking about it!
• If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best!
• I take responsibility for what I say, but I am not responsible for what you do not understand.
• People like you are the reason people like me need medication!
• Feisty, stubborn, sarcastic, outspoken, blunt: Hmmm … are these my good qualities or bad? Who knows!? Who cares!? It’s still gonna be me!
• Don’t try to fix me; I’m not broken!
• You make me smile without even trying!
• I’m a good girl (with a lot of bad habits)!
• Get to know me; get to love me!

The Funny Quotes In Urdu

Funny Quotes In Urdu Who doesn’t love a good laugh? And what better way to bring joy to your life than with some funny Urdu quotes? Urdu is a beautiful language; when combined with humor, it can brighten your day. Whether you’re looking for a chuckle or want to put a smile on your face, these Funny Quotes In English are sure to do the trick.

One of the most popular funny quotes in Urdu is “Jitni lambic chadar ho, utna hi pair failana chahiye,” which roughly translates to “Stretch your legs according to the size of your blanket.” This Funny Quote in English often describes someone taking advantage of a situation or overstepping their boundaries. It’s a lighthearted way to remind people to respect the space of others.

• جسے یاد کرنے سے ہی موڈ خراب ہوجاے
  ایک ایسا فضول خیال ہو تم
• گٹار سیکھا تھا جس کو پٹانے کے لئے
  آج آفر آیا ہے اسکی شادی میں بجانے کے لئے
• چھوٹی سے زندگی لمبا سا راستہ
  مجھ سے شادی کرلے خدا کا واسطہ
• پیار محبّت سب فضول
  تو چلی گئے تو تیری سہیلی قبول ہے
• پیار کرنے سے پہلے پیار کا انجام دیکھ لو
  اگر پھر بھی سمجھ نہ اے تو فلم تیرے نام دیکھ لو
• جہاں دیکھو عشق کے بیمار بیٹھے ہیں
  ہزاروں مر کر بھی لاکھوں تیار بیٹھے ہیں
• تُجھ سے ملنے کی تمنا بھی ہے ایک طرف
  اور آنے جانے میں کرایہ بھی بہت لگتا ہے
• ٹیلینٹ کی بات مت کر بگلی 
  میں گھڑی دیکھ کر ٹائم بتا سکتا ہوں
• وہ ہمیں بے شرم کہتے ہے تو کہتے رہے فراز
  امی کہتی ہے جو کہتا ہے وہی ہوتا ہے
• لفظوں میں اتنا زہر کہاں سے لاتے ہو
  لگتا ہے سانپ فرائی کرکے کھاتے ہو
• محبت کا م بھی نرالا ہے مل جائے تو “میاں” نہ ملے تومامو
• کوئی بھی کام اتنا پرفیکٹ نہ کریں,کہ بعد میں وہ آپ کی ڈیوٹی بن جائے!
• ہم نے مانا کہ رپلائی نہ کرو گے تم لیکن ,ٹرائی کرتے رہیں گے ہم بھی بلاک ہونے تک
• آؤ درد بانٹتے ہیں,تم دروازے میں انگلی دو,پھر مل کر چیخیں مارتے ہیں
• ایک سال سے میں شادی کے لیے جو وظیفہ پڑھ رہا تھا,اب جا کر پتہ چلا وہ تو سعودی عرب کا قومی ترانہ ہے
• لعنت بھی کیا چیز ہے,اڈریس نہ بھی لکھوںمستحق افراد تک پہنچ جاتی ہے
• پیدا ہوا وکیل تو شیطان نے بھی کہا,لو میاں آج ہم بھی صاحبِ اولاد ہوگئے
• کسی کو کھونے کا غم کیا ہوتا ہے یہ کل رات پتہ چلا,جب مونگ پھلی کا ایک دانہ چھلکوں میں گم ہوگیا۔
• میں نے آج دعا کی یا اللہ میرے گھر والوں کی پریشانیاں ختم کردوپھر یاد آیا کہیں,میں ہی نہ فوت ہو جاؤ
• ایک وقت تھا جب موبائل گرتا تھا تو بیٹری باہر آجاتی تھی۔آج کل موبائل گرے تو دل باہر آجاتا ہے۔
• اجازت ہو تو تیرے چہرے کو جی بھر کے دیکھ لوں,مدت ہوئی بل بتوری نہیں دیکھ
• تم نے دیکھا ھے کبھی چاند سے گرتا پانی؟؟,میں نے دیکھا ھے یہ منظر,اپنا منہ دھوتے ھوئے
• شوقِ سنگھار بجا ہے میرا لیکن ,تیری تنخواہ میرے صدقات میں اڑ جائیگی
• چپ ہو جانے کا مطلب یہ نہیں ہوتا کہ ہم نے ہار مان لی
  .کبھی کبھی اسکا مطلب یہ بھی ہوتا پونکی جا سانو کی
• اے دل تجھے کیسے سمجھاؤں
  .انی دیا منو کڑیاں پھسانیاں نئ آندیاں
• کچھ دیر موبائل کو ہاتھ نا لگاؤ,تو اس میں سے آواز آنے لگتی ہے,جان تم بدل گئے ہو
• خالی محبت سے بات نہیں بنے گی
  .تم کو چاۓ بھی بنا کے پلانی پڑے گی 
• جھمکے کا سائز بتاتو, میریاں تنخواں نہ پوچھ
• آجکل کا پیار 
  Bluetooth 
  جیسا ہوگیا ہے
  پاس رہو تو 
  Connected 
  دور رہو تو
  Searching For New Device.
• پکڑ کر نبض میری طبیب نے کہا,شریف آدمی تجھے گروپ کی لڑکیوں کی نظر لگی ہے
• Kehte Hai Pyar Mein Neend Udh jaati Hai…!!! Koi Humse Bhi Mohabbat Kare…!!! Kambhakt Neend Bahut Aati Hai…!!!
• تعویذ جعلی نکل آیا ,محبوب قدموں کی بجاۓ گلے پڑ گیا ہے 
• سارا پاکستان لسی کہتا ہے .اور لاہور والے دہی کا جوس
• اس نی کہا تیری یاد میں برسوں سے پیاسی ہوں .میں نے منہ میں پائپ ڈال کے موٹر چلا دی
• نہ جوان ہوتے نہ  دل  لگاتے.  نہ کرتے محبّت  نہ رکشا چلاتے
• محبوب سچا اور چائے کا رنگ پکا نہ ہو تو .دونوں کو آگ پر رکھ دو

The Funny Quotes In Hindi

Everyone likes to smile, but nowadays, life and work stress can make it hard to keep smiling. That’s why people turn to Funny quotes In English and statuses to stay happy. These jokes not only make them feel better but also bring smiles to their friends and family. In this article, we’ve gathered lots of funny statuses for you. You’ll find over 80 Funny Quotes In English and statuses here. You can use them for your WhatsApp status or share them with your loved ones.

• धरती पर जब तक सूरज-चांद रहेगा,
  तेरी टांग खींचना मेरा अधिकार रहेगा।
• मेरी जिंदगी की हर मुसीबत का हल हो तुम, टेंशन दूर करने वाली मशीन हो तुम, इतने काफी हैं या एक-दो और झूठ बोल दें हम।
• ए-मेरे दोस्त तुझे कुछ और साल मेरे लिए सलामत रहना है,
  क्योंकि, मुझे अपनी शादी में तुझसे नागीन डांस जो करवाना है।
• बर्बाद होती जिंदगी की छोटी-सी कहानी है,
  थोड़ा हम खुद हुए, बाकी तुम्हारी मेहरबानी है।
• दोस्त प्यारे बात मानो हमारी,
  प्यार के चक्कर में न भूलो यारी हमारी,
  ये नहीं है वक्त बनने का प्रेम पुजारी,
  दिल टूटेगा जब याद तुम्हें आएगी हमारी,
  जनहित में जारी की है हमने ये जानकारी।
•  हमेशा याद रखना सखी प्यारी,
  गुण मिलते तो हो जाती शादी हमारी,
  अवगुण मिले तभी हुई पक्की हमारी यारी।
• . आसमां-सा ऊंचा कुछ नहीं,
  चांद-सा शीतल कुछ नहीं,
  दोस्तों में तुझसा प्यारा कोई नहीं,
  दुनिया में नालायक भी तुझसा कोई नहीं।
• मेरा दोस्त जैसे फ्लॉप शो का होस्ट,
  सपनों में रोज बनकर आता है घोस्ट,
  फिर भी यार आई लव यू द मोस्ट।
•  तेरी दोस्ती मेरा जहान है,
  तेरी दोस्ती ही मेरा ईमान है,
  कर तो दूं तुझ पर सब कुछ कुर्बान,
  लेकिन मेरा कुछ और ही प्लान है।
•  खुशी में दुनिया खूबसूरत लगती है,
  दुख में दुनिया दुश्मन लगती है,
  तुझ जैसे दोस्त अगर जीवन में हों,
  तो पानी भी किंगफिशर लगती है।
•  ए-दोस्त तुम मेरे दिल के करीब हो,
  लेकिन तुम बड़े ही अजीब हो,
  न फोन करते हो न मैसेज,
  क्या तुम मुझसे भी ज्यादा गरीब हो।
• तेरी दोस्ती हम आखिर तक निभाएंगे,
  जहां पैर रखेगा वहां-वहां कांटे बिछाएंगे।
• दोस्त लिखा कर तू भी शायरी,
  मेरी तरह नाम हो जाएगा,
  लोग फेकेंगे रोज आलू-टमाटर
  सब्जी का इंतजाम हो जाएगा।
• यह दोस्ती हम दिल से निभाएंगे,
  कभी भी हम तुम्हें न सताएंगे,
  हमारी दोस्ती न आए पसंद,
  तो बताना गिन-गिनकर चांटे लगाएंगे।
• कौआ क्या जाने क्या सुर है क्या साज,
  बंदर क्या जाने अदरक का मिजाज,
  यही सोचकर यह सुंदर-सा मैसेज,
  अपने प्यारे दोस्त को भेज रहे हैं आज।
•  हम चाहते हैं प्यारे दोस्त,
  तेरी राह के कांटे Fool बन जाए,
  तू bloody fool से, हैंडसम Cool बन जाए।
• मेरे दोस्त मुझे पता है फैन तो तुम्हारे भी बहुत हैं,
  पर सभी छत से लटक रहे हैं।
• मेरा पोस्ट जो तुम सिर झुकाकर पढ़ते हो न,
  मेरे लिए इतनी इज्जत ही काफी है।
• . एक गिरगिट ने किया सुसाइड,
  मरते वक्त चिट्ठी में लिखा,
  तुम्हारे दोस्त का रंग बदलने में मुकाबला करना,
  मुश्किल ही नहीं नामुमकिन है।
• . तेरी प्याली से नशा खो जाए,
  मदहोशी की जगह तुझे बेहोशी हो जाए,
  मुझे न बुलाने की यह सजा तुझे मिल जाए।
•  वक्त आने पर दोस्ती का हर फर्ज निभाएंगे, जरूरत पड़ने पर दिल पर पथर रखकर, तुम्हें मेंटल हॉस्पिटल तक छोड़कर आएंगे। चलिए, फनी फ्रेंडशीप स्टेट्स के बाद अब एक नजर डालते हैं कॉमेडी कोट्स और फनी लव कोट्स पर।
• जान ही चाहिए थी तो मांग कर ले लेती,
  यूं बिना मेकअप के मेरे सामने क्यों आ गई।
• रात में सूरज दिखता है, दिन में दिखते हैं तारे,
  प्यार में यूं मेरी तरह बर्बाद होते हैं आशिक बेचारे।
• तुम्हें मैं तहे दिल से नहीं तहे पेट से चाहता हूं,
  क्योंकि, दिल से बड़ा मेरे पास पेट है।
• तू रूप की रानी, मैं हूं तेरा हैंडसम राजा,
  अब देर न कर जल्दी से मेरी बांहों में आ जा।
•  तुम्हारे घर के सामने मैं काट रहा था चक्कर,
  अचानक तुम्हारे भाई से मेरी हो गई टक्कर,
  नहीं सूझा तो मैंने चालू कर दी गिनती,
  इकहत्तर, बहत्तर, तिहत्तर, चौहत्तर, पिछत्तर।
•  कभी तो देखकर मुस्कुरा दिया करो,
  हमें देखकर दामन बिछा दिया करो,
  न करना बात बेशक कभी हमसे,
  बस फोन रिचार्ज करा दिया करो।
• प्यार न सही मुझ पर केस ही कर दे,
  अदालत की तारीख पर तुमसे मिलना तो होगा
• आज तो खूब रुलाएंगे उन्हें,
  सुना है रोते हुए उनकी नाक बहुत बहती है।
•  तुम जो हल्का-हल्का मुस्कुराती हो,
  बिना माचिस के ही मेरा दिल जलाती हो।
• तुम उस दिन मेरे प्यार की ताकत को मानोगे,
  जब कभी तुम मुझसे दूर जाओगे,
  उस दिन मैं बस एक आंख मारूंगी,
  और तुम फिसलकर मेरे पास आ जाओगे।
•  तुमने मोहब्बत को मेरी सरकारी बना दिया,
  प्यार के वादों को चुनावी बना दिया,
  इश्क को आगे बढ़ाने की अर्जी को ठुकरा दिया,
  और प्यार की कहानियों को फाइल में दफना दिया।
• आज जब तुम आई लव यू बोलोगी तभी रोटी खाऊंगा,
  नहीं तो छह आलू पराठे खाकर चुपचाप सो जाऊंगा।
•  वक्त को भी हुआ है किसी से इश्क जरूर,
  जो वो बेचैन है इतना कि ढहरता ही नहीं।
• नहीं जागता रातों को चैन से सो लेता हूं,
  आए भी तेरी याद में खर्राटे मार लेता हूं।
•  ये तो भगवान ने अच्छा किया कि मेरे सारे ख्वाब पूरे नहीं होते,
  वरना मेरे दोस्त तुम्हारे अलावा न जाने कितनों को भाभी बोलते।
• मोहब्बत करने वालों का एक ही अंजाम होता है,
  कभी नजला, कभी बुखार तो कभी जुकाम होता है।
• . मैं रोज रात पीता हूं वाइन,
  ताकि हिम्मत जुटाकर मारूं लाइन,
  सुन ओ हसीना, यू आर ओन्ली माइन।
• . मैं रोज रात पीता हूं वाइन,
  ताकि हिम्मत जुटाकर मारूं लाइन,
  सुन ओ हसीना, यू आर ओन्ली माइन।
•  जब तक मैं तुम्हारे पीछे था, तब तक तुम मेरी जान थी,
  जबसे गर्लफ्रेंड बन गई हो, तुब से तुम जानलेवा हो गई हो।
• प्यार में हमने चप्पल खाई, उसे खिलाए समोसे-कचौरी,
  जालिम सात दिन बाद बोली पापा नहीं मानेंगे, भैया सॉरी!
• . दोस्तों काम ऐसा करो कि
  सब मिलकर एक साथ कहें,
  तू रहने दे मैं खुद कर लूंगा।
  गुड मार्निंग
•  सब ध्यान देकर सुनो, जिस जिसको गुड मार्निंग कहना है,
  वो सभी लाइन में आ जाओ कोई धक्का-मुक्की नहीं करेगा।
•  सब दुखों की एक दवाई,
  हंसना सीख लो मेरे भाई और भौजाई।
• मेरे दोस्त, मेरे भाई, तुमसे सविनय निवेदन है कि,
  सुबह -सुबह गुडमार्निंग के बदले दो पराठे और चाय ही भेज दो।
•  कर्म अच्छे किया करो मेरे दोस्त,
  फल तो ठेलेवाले से भी ले लोगे।
•  जिंदगी सफल बनाने के सिम्पल से फंडे हैं,
  मां की चप्पल है और बापू के डंडे हैं।
• . रब्बा दुख न देना मेरे यार को, चाहे मुझे खुशी का भंडार दे देना, आज सुबह उसे नई साइकिल दिला दे, भले ही मुझे पुरानी बीएमडब्लू ही दे देना।
•  गुरुजी ने पढ़ाया था, जल्दी का काम शैतान का होता है,
  इसीलिए, मैं सोता भी लेट हूं और जागता भी लेट हूं।
  Good morning!
•  इंतकाम ही लेना था तो कुछ और बहाने से ले लेते,
  यूं अपने बच्चों से हमें मामा कहलवाना कुछ ठीक नहीं।
  गुड मॉर्निंग भौजाई!
•  तुम्हारी सूरत मेरे दिल में ऐसे बस गई,
  जैसे घर के दरवाजे में कोई भैंस फंस गई।
  सुप्रभात
•  यह बात अगर तुम्हें बता दी तो तुम हंसते-हंसते गिर जाओगे,
  चलो जाने दो, नहीं भेजता कहीं गिर गए तो।
  I CARE FOR YOU
•  अपनी सूरत पर तुम इतना क्यों इतराते हो,
  मुझे मालूम है तुम चार दिनों में बस एक बार नहाते हो।
  सुप्रभात, आज नहा लेना दोस्त।
• . दिल ले के गई वो चैन ले के गई वो,
  हद तो तब हुई जब मैंने देखा,
  मेरा फ्राई पैन ले गई वो।
• बीबी अगर एक महीने के लिए मायके जाय तो खुशी,
  और अगर मायके से एक महीने के बाद आय तो खुदखुशी।
• जीवन में एक बार तो शादी करनी ही चाहिए,
  खासकर शादी के साइड इफेक्ट्स जानने के लिए।
• ए-खुदा किसी की जिंदगी में कभी भी इतनी लाचारी न हो,
  इंडिया-पाक का मैच हो और बीबी की मायके से वापसी हो।
• पति-पत्नी के अंदर एक शैतान छुपा होता है,
  यह बस आधार कार्ड की फोटो में दिखाई देता है।
•  जिस दिन सोचता हूं कि जिंदगी में बड़े-बड़े काम करने हैं,
  पत्नी उसी दिन गेहूं पिसाने के लिए भेज देती हैं।
•  जिस दिन सोचता हूं कि जिंदगी में बड़े-बड़े काम करने हैं,
  पत्नी उसी दिन गेहूं पिसाने के लिए भेज देती हैं।
•  सच ही कहा है, प्यार कभी भी कहीं भी हो सकता है,
  क्योंकि बुद्धि भ्रष्ट होने का कोई खास समय नहीं होता है।
• . हम चाहते हैं जमाने भर की खुशबू तेरे दामन में भर आएं,
  मेरी जान सलामत रहे कम से कम, तू नहाए या ना नहाए
•  प्यार भी एकदम शतरंज जैसा है,
  एक चाल गलत चली नहीं कि सीधे शादी।
• . क्या आपको पता है कि शादी ही एक ऐसा जख्म है,
  जिसमें चोट बाद में लगती है और हल्दी पहले लगा दी जाती है।
• घोड़े पर चढ़कर जाने वाले दूल्हे को कहां पता होता है कि
  जिंदगी भर तो गधा ही बनना है।
  हैप्पी शादी…
• दूध मांगोगे तो उसके साथ खाने में पनीर भी देंगे,
  अगर स्त्री धन उधार में मांगोगे तो चीर देंगे।
•  शादीशुदा जिंदगी कश्मीर जैसी है,
  सुंदर तो बहुत है, लेकिन आतंक भी खूब है।
• भारत में त्योहार तो कुंवारे ही मनाते हैं,
  शादीशुदा लोग तो बीबी ही मनाते रहते हैं।
• शादीशुदा लोग ऐसे ही खुशी-खुशी नहीं रह लेते हैं,
  नेताओं की तरह ढ़ेरों झूठे वादे करने होते हैं साहब।
•  जिंदगी हर कदम एक नई जंग है,
  जब तक आपकी घरवाली आपके संग है।
• . जरूरी नहीं जीवन में जुड़ने वाले सारे रिश्ते खून के हों,
  कुछ खून चूसने वाले भी होते हैं।
• शादीशुदा लोगों की आधी जिंदगी तो,
  पत्नी को मायके से लाने ले जाने में बीत जाती है।
• जब से घर से काम करना शुरू किया हूं,
  बीबी को समझा-समझा कर थक गया हूं,
  वर्क फ्रोम होम का मतलब घर से काम करना होता है,
  घर का काम करना नहीं।